Misadventures of the Pines Family Book 1: Machine With a Heart
by jojo-dojo
Summary: Yay! I'm so excited to present this to you guys! It's basically a very light hearted head-canon of what I think happened a year later after the series ends. I'm so excited to introduce you guys to some of my other OC's and hopefully tie some lose ends with where Tilly and Hannah play into the story a little bit more. Leave a review and enjoy! 3
1. Chapter 1

The Misadventures of the Pines Family, Book 1: Machine With a Heart: Part 1

"Mother of God!" Stan yowled in pain dropping the hammer from the wary ladder he was balancing on. The right side of a 'Welcome Home' sign he'd been trying to put up for the last three hours had fallen for the fifth time. "I don't need your stupid tools, Rack Shack!" He raised his fist in the air and yelled, losing his balance and falling butt first onto the hard, dirt sidewalk beneath him.

"Stanley, I heard a crash are you alright—" Ford bolted out the door wearing a pink apron with a heart in the middle.

"Yeah I'm fine," He said rubbing his head. Ford rushed to his aid and helped him up dusting him off. "Oh!" He snorted. "If it isn't Grandma Pines!" He laughed.

"Our great nice knitted this for me. I thought it was rather dashing." He said putting his hands on his hips yielding an oven mitt.

"It really brings out your eyes." Stan said binding over in laughter.

"You think so…?" Ford said smiling. "Oh shut up." He said frowning. "Well what's you're excuse?" He said defiantly, pointing at Stan's sweater that read, "I Heart Mabel" in bright red letters. Stan blushed and furrowed his brow.

"Sweater is completely different than a girly apron," He said waving his arms. "Besides mine isn't covered in flour." He said proudly. "Now move aside, I need more nails from the kitchen.

Stan pushed his way past his brother and hurried up the steps. Once he entered the archway he gagged as a putrid smell slapped him the face like a dead fish.

"What the hell?" He yelled. "Ford, what died in here?" He groaned. Ford angrily stormed in the door and waved his oven mitt around to clear the thick air.

"Nothing!" He ran to the kitchen with a worried look on his face. "I was making Stuffed Draognturtle pud! I learned how to make it when I traveled to the Flimix dimension." He said lifting the lid of a pot on the stove. Steam and fire rose abruptly from the pot and made Ford jump backwards tripping over a bowl scattered on the ground.

"Now you've done it," Stan said running for the fire extinguisher.

He broke open the door with his fist and heroically put out the flame, covering the entire stove with white gooey substance.

"I knew I shouldn't have added so much paprika." He said breathlessly from the floor.

"Next time maybe you could make something from this dimension, genius." Stan said breathing hard. "That's, what? The fourth time you've set something on fire this week?" He said, glancing at his brother.

"Fifth," Ford said defeated. "You're forgetting the fireplace incident last Wednesday night."

"If we can barely out up a sign and cook a meal for a great nice and nephew, then what good are we, Ford?" Stan chuckled extending his hand.

"Perhaps a simple chicken stew would suffice." Ford said dusting himself off.

"Yard signs never hurt anyone…" Stan looked out the window.

"Well come on the, Stanley!" Ford said rubbing his hands together. "We haven't a moment to lose. Dipper and Mabel will be here within an hour."

"You'll have to bust some ass to get this cleaned up in time," Stan said rubbing his forehead. Ford put a hand to his mouth and shot straight up.

"Or just five seconds." He said with excitement in his eyes. "I have an idea!" He punched the key in the snack machine and ran down the stairs, tripping a few steps down.

"Aye, where are you going? Kitchen's that way!" Stan called. Ford appeared back within seconds with a blue gun of some sort.

"What the hell is that thing?" Stan examined the weapon and scratched his unshaven chin.

"A dehydration gun!" Ford lunged forward and posed holding the gun cooly between his fingers. "An old colleague of mine from the Metroctiy Quadrant showed me how to use one of these bad boys ages ago," He said running happily to the kitchen. He blasted a blue electric substance with the mysterious weapon at every misplaced object. It shrunk into a small blue box and fell onto the floor with a small _plunk_.

"Dehydrating objects at will. I'll never be able to thank him enough." Stan looked round at the pristine kitchen and nodded.

"I'm impressed." He said hands on his hips. "Can it make me a new sign?" He said chuckling.

"No," Ford sunk his shoulders and frowned. "But there's cardboard in the back of the Mystery Shack!" He said hopping to the kitchen. "Hurry! I've got to get started on this soup," He said excited.

"Ladle, ladle, ladle…" He opened cabinet after cabinet, rummaging through all the various puts and pans. "Remind me where we decided to keep the utensils, Stanley?" Ford asked pulling a stool out from under the sink.

"Cabient beside the fridge." He said.

"Say you wanna help me put up the sign after you make some decent food?" Stan asked.

"Yes, yes, very good." Ford waved his hand and kept his back turned to his brother.

"Thanks for the help." Stan mumbled, rubbing his backside and heading out the door.


	2. Chapter 2

The transition from the sunny beaches of California to the tall trees and cloudy skies of Oregon told Dipper and Mabel Pines that they were home. Or, their home away from home. A large sign that read 'Gravity Falls' had been repainted, rebuilt and redesigned to look good as new.

"Look, Dipper!" Mabel stuck both her hands against the window. "Toby Determined's office!" She sang. "Just as sad and pathetic as I remember!"

"Gideon's old campground…?" Dipper folded his arms in contempt.

"Greasy's Diner!" Mabel's cheeks were pressed against the glass and her eyes grew large. "Best. Pancakes. On. Earth."

Dipper shook his head. "I can't believe it's been a whole two years since we've been here…" he adjusted the trapper Wendy gave him and closed his eyes, sitting back against the hot, sweaty, leather seat. His forehead was hot and his hair was wet and dripping in sweat but he didn't care. He wasn't about to take off that trapper.

"Well this means we've had two whole years to mature, to grow and to find our true selves." Mabel held her hand in the air. "I am not the same child I was twenty-four months ago, aimlessly chasing after boys left and right, acting a fool," a store with a large pink sign that read 'Build-A-Sweater' came into view. "OH MY GOODLINESS," Mabel squealed. "Dipper! It's a make-your-own sweater store! Waddles look!" She squealed smashing onto Dipper's Lap and pushing him aside.

"Hey—Mabel!" Dipper groaned. She shook Waddles's legs and squealed.

"The good people of Gravity Falls must've finally recognized the delicate art of sweater making," she hugged herself and smiled.

"Gravity Falls is the only place with people gullible enough to do that," he muttered.

"Oh, it's so good to be back, bro-bro!" She hugged Dipper's neck and ruffled the sweaty hair beneath his hat.

"Hey, watch it," he pulled the hat further down his forehead, "be careful, this is the trapper Wendy gave me," he blushed.

"Ooohh, somebody's still got a crushie, crushie!" Mabel played with his cheeks. "Still. After a whole two years. Come on, Dipstick get with the program!" She knocked on his head and he slapped her hand away.

"Not a crush, just…sentimental," he said, smiling to himself.

Mabel raised an eyebrow. "Okay, yeah sure," she sat back and crossed her arms.

"Well, I have our whole summer planned…and this time, I made sure to include karate classes so we can be properly prepared for any threats that dare come our way." Mabel hopped out of the seat and stood on one foot. She twirled around happily. "It'll be the death wish for whoever decides to mess with the… BA DUH DUH DUM. Mystery Twins!" She howled.

The bus came to a hurtling stop and Mabel fell face flat on the floor of the bus. Dipper laughed.

"Oh, they'll defiantly be avoiding us, that's for sure."

"Everything hurts," she said face still planted against the rubbery ground. "I can't feel my spleen." Waddles made his way over and plopped down next to Mabel.

"See? This is exactly why buses should have seat belts. This is what happens when people ignore the rules."

Mabel lifted her head just enough to speak comprehendible words. "I didn't know buses could be any more boring," she groaned. "I stand corrected. Or lay, corrected."

She rolled on her back and sighed, sprawling her arms out.

"I'm telling you Mabel, if I'm put in some position of authority someday, that'll be the first thing I'll change," he lifted his chin.

"I can see it now! President Dipper Pines, America's greatest nerd!" She motioned her hands like a rainbow and plopped them down quickly. Dipper squinted.

"You'll be thanking me one day," he said.

"Sure, when all the weekends become school days for 'extra curricular activities'?" She asked making air quotations.

"Hey, that was a good idea!" He said defiantly. "Gives kids more hours of community service and takes away time for them to get into trouble." he placed his hands on his hips.

"YAWN," Mabel said loudly bringing her hands to her mouth. "All I hear is blah, blah, blah, blah, blah!"

"Will you two quit babbling and get off my bus?" A grumpy old man with a large nose grunted, opening the front doors of the bus. He pointed outward.

"Geez Louise," Mabel grabbed waddles and adjusted her bag strap. Dipper fitted the trapper and sighed. "We're going, we're going." Mabel said.

"Oh geez," Dipper wiped the sweat from his forehead. "I'd forgotten how humid this place can get," he said. Mabel inhaled and stuck her fists on her hip.

"Smell that air," she closed her eyes. "Sweaty teenagers, greasy miners, and beaver poop!"

"Yippee," Dipper groaned. "Is this their new place?" Dipper and Mabel looked upon a large yard covered with oak trees and a creek trickling through a ditch in front of the quaint wooden house was a torn welcome banner and cardboard sign.

"Wel—come Dippy and Mabel?" Mabel tilted her head and squinted. "Come on, Grunkle Stan I can barely read that!" She said.

"Where are they…?" Dipper asked adjusting his bag strap.

"Let's go inside." Mabel said patting Waddles on the back. They approached the door and turned the nob slowly.

"Hello?" Dipper called. No answer.

"Grunkle Ford?" Mabel dropped her duffle bag. Waddles oinked and ran right into the corner where a stained pillow with a couple of toys awaited him.

"Aww, Waddles remembered the bed Grunkle Stan made for him when they came to California last Thanksgiving!" Mabel cooed. Instantly they heard a loud crash come from the basement. Following a few loud steps the candy machine door burst open with Stan and Ford wrestling arm in arm with a giant mutant chicken.

"That's the last time I ask you for any favors!" Ford shouted. He thrust backwards as the giant chicken plunged his talons into his face leaving three red marks.

"Hey, Mr. Big-shot," Stan grunted, out of breath. "You're the one who bought the stupid chicken!" He grabbed the chicken by its purple gizzard and fell to the ground in a huff.

"Grunkle Stan?" Dipper and Mabel asked in sync unable to move.

"Kids!" Ford yelled his arms wiggling under the pressure. "Its so nice to see y-OU!" The chicken flapped its feathers and squawked escaping its grip.

"See, I was making chicken soup…" he breathed, hands on his knees. "Oh no don't touch that!" He lunged for the chicken who had made its way through the kitchen and bent to knock over pots and pans.

"Duck!" Stan yelled.

"That's a chicken, Grunkle Stan," Dipper moaned.

"No, short-stack!" He yelled. "DUCK!" A pot flew from the kitchen flying over Dipper and Mabel's heads. Ford ran to the cabinet by the TV and threw things behind him left and right.

"Where are the damned things," he grunted to himself. Mabel grabbed Waddles and looked to Stan. "Grunkle Stan, save Waddles!" She tossed Waddles in the air, aiming for Stan. Waddles landed on top of Stan's head and thrust him backwards. Stan waved his arms around and fell against the bookshelf. Mabel grabbed Dipper's hand and lunged behind the couch.

"Aha!" Ford pulled out an all too familiar flashlight with to gems attached to each side. "Stand back!" He yelled pointing the gun towards the archway of the small kitchen. Ford's hair flew back as a powerful pink light erupted from his gun and hit the monster. The chicken sunk into a small flightless bird. Mabel peered from behind the couch and pulled Dipper up by the trapper.

"Whoo!" She flopped over onto the couch, exasperated. "That was a doozy from planet woozy." Mabel laughed wiping her forehead of sweat.

"Not bad, for an old timer." Ford said flipping the gun between his six fingers.

"Will someone get this stupid pig OFF OF ME." Stan muffled, Waddles clung to his face. Mabel whistled and slapped her hand over her knee.

"Here, pig!" She said with a southern drawl. Waddles licked Stan's face and jumped off his large chest. He ran into Mabel's arms and she scratched his ears happily. Ford puffed his cheeks and put his hands on his hips. Granule Stan stood up and pressed his knees.

"Welp," Dipper and Mabel looked up. "Welp, that was five minutes of my life I'll never get back. Welcome, home kids!"


End file.
